The recent dining hall controversies at Oberlin and elsewhere have put me in mind of this 1998 column I published in the Chicago Trib:
As a child I understood very well that bagels set me apart from other kids in the neighborhood. Oh, we all played the same games and went to the same schools, but their grandparents spoke English, they went to church on Sunday, and they didn't eat bagels. We, on the other hand, ate the things all the time: as snacks, as sandwiches, as breakfast. My mother made them herself--rolling, boiling, brushing and then baking the little rings to precisely the right resilience. They came in exactly two varieties--plain and rye. The rye ones were my mother's innovation, which she considered avant garde. They were small, dense, unadorned, and ours.
These days you can find bagel stores on almost everywhere. In fact, right down the block from my house you can find bagel shops three corners, selling bagels of every conceivable stripe and description. None of the places even faintly resembles a deli, but nonetheless, each has its own personality, in large part derived from the character of its workforce--though judging from appearances, most of them probably think that He-brew is an especially masculine cup of coffee. There are the prim, pleasant, middle-aged women who proudly serve Dutch apple bagels on one corner. Or you can visit the energetic teenagers who dole out chocolate chip bagels next door. If you're in the mood for some herb, you can score a few oregano-parmesan bagels from the hippies across the street.
I've long since made my peace with the inauthentic bagel outlets, and have even come to appreciate the modest virtues of shopping in a corporate-owned "bagel cafe." If nothing else, I've learned the importance of clear articulation, since terms I take for granted are too easily confused by novice bagel clerks. For example, one day I rushed into my favorite local joint and ordered "two pumpernickel." Easy enough, I thought as they shoved my bagels into a cute bakery bag. True, the bagels looked almost orange, lacking the rich, dark hue of true pumpernickel. But what did I expect from a bagel chain? And then there was that unexpected spicy smell. It was pleasant and strangely familiar, but not at all bagel-like. I dismissed it as having rubbed off, so to speak, from an adjacent bin.
It was only when I bit into the first one that I realized I was munching on, so help me, a pumpkin bagel. Pumpkin, pumpernickel--I guess it's a natural mistake.
I'm not really complaining. In America, no ethnic group can ever expect to maintain a monopoly on its cuisine. I'm sure that native Italians wince at some of the things that Americans dump on pizza, and I know Chinese restaurants here serve dishes that would be unrecognizable from Guangzhau to Beijing. Nobody even thinks to associate wieners with Vienna--and it's a good thing, too, since the Viennese would never tolerate ketchup and pickle relish.
But if the mainstreaming of bagels is not entirely an occasion for bitter lamentation, it still has to evoke at least a twinge of regret, as one more bit of ethnic flair is deracinated, homogenized and prepackaged for mass consumption.
Interestingly, it appears there is a crisis in the bagel industry. Stock prices have plunged by as much as 80 percent and one national chain has entered bankruptcy. Profits are falling and outlets are closing.
If you ask me, their problems all stem from hubris. I've got nothing against making big bucks on bagels, but there has to be a sense of proportion. They should never have started calling it the bagel "industry." Bagels should be sold in "a nice little business where you can "make a comfortable living." And you shouldn't have national chains. Maybe a few “convenient locations" or even a "branch" or two, but that's it. Go any further and you're asking for trouble.
The bagel business can probably recover from its spate of overexpansion, but somewhere along the line it is going to pay for fiddling with tradition. Bagel-meddlers can load almost anything into a bagel and still have it taste good, but they ought to give credit where credit is due. Bake what you must, but let's put an end to the precious preening. Stop touting "old-fashioned" blueberry and "classic" cranberry-orange!
It's not the flavors I object to, it's the adjectives. Bagels weren't invented by a bunch of MBAs, and there's never going to be anything traditional about filling them with fruit. So if they have to overstuff somebody's heritage, all I can say is let `em eat crepes.
You can see the original here. Remember, it was 1998.
Thinking in 2015, should different groups get to trade culinary specialities or should they all be up for universal consumption and event ownership? Should we all get to keep one under proprietary rights? Could it be we will offer, say, bagels and chopped liver for enchiladas? Just trying to cause trouble here.
Posted by: Jeff Rice | December 28, 2015 at 12:33 PM
Sorry I object to the flavors - some things just do not belong in a bagel (cranberry orange, surely you jest.) One thing that does, organic smoked salmon from the Connemara Smokehouse. It's not authentic, but it's good - the problem is getting it to meet a good bagel when the smokehouse does not ship to the US (customs kept delaying shipments 'til they went off.)
And pineapple on a pizza and barbecue chicken is an abomination.
And where I am today there is an outlet called 100 Croquetas - but frankly some of the combinations on offer sound truly horrifying.
Posted by: [M][@][c][K] | December 28, 2015 at 12:55 PM
Speaking of culinary associations,
Back in 2002/3, when the Congressional Canteen renamed French Toast "Freedom Toast" and French Fries "Freedom Fries" (an effort spearheaded by the odious Bob Neywho later went to jail in the Abramoff scandal) my late father asked a French diplomat what he thought.
He responded "tant pis, les frites sont belges, le toast allemand...mais ils appellant encore ce merde 'French Roast'"
Posted by: [M][@][c][K] | December 28, 2015 at 01:10 PM
Who will speak for the poor scones?
Posted by: Bill Turnier | December 29, 2015 at 10:01 AM
What food in the United States *isn't* culturally appropriated?
Posted by: anon | December 29, 2015 at 10:05 AM
What I found especially amusing about the Oberlin complaints was the one about how General Tso's chicken is supposed to be cooked in order to be "authentic." That's amusing because General Tso's chicken is a purely American Chinese dish, invented in America and not found anywhere in China. Really, you can't make this stuff up.
Posted by: Douglas Levene | December 30, 2015 at 07:31 AM
Actually there is a bit of a debate as to the origin of General Tso's chicken (was it in Taiwan?, was it from Hunan? (is Taiwan china?)) The sweet fried version in the US and the name General Tso's chicken indeed originated it seems in New York. But something similar shows up in Hunan-ese (or as similar as you can call it minus the large amount of sugar.)
I have had chicken called General Tsos that lacks the sugar (well most of it, I think they may have used rice wine), but outside the US. That too was surprising - and I suppose one could say they were inauthentic General Tso's chicken.
So I suppose I agree and disagree with you - authentic General Tso's is a New York dish - at least the sweet, crispy fried version - and since the name originated with that version.....
Maybe I'm just confused.
Posted by: [M][@][c][K] | December 30, 2015 at 08:20 AM