These days you can find bagel stores almost everywhere. In fact, right down the block from my house you can find bagel shops three corners, selling bagels of every conceivable stripe and description. None of the places even faintly resembles a deli, but nonetheless, each has its own personality, in large part derived from the character of its workforce--though judging from appearances, most of them probably think that He-brew is an especially masculine cup of coffee. There are the prim, pleasant, middle-aged women who proudly serve Dutch apple bagels on one corner. Or you can visit the energetic teenagers who dole out chocolate chip bagels next door. If you're in the mood for some herb, you can score a few oregano-parmesan bagels from the hippies across the street.
I've long since made my peace with the inauthentic bagel outlets, and have even come to appreciate the modest virtues of shopping in a corporate-owned "bagel cafe." If nothing else, I've learned the importance of clear articulation, since terms I take for granted are too easily confused by novice bagel clerks. For example, one day I rushed into my favorite local joint and ordered "two pumpernickel." Easy enough, I thought as they shoved my bagels into a cute bakery bag. True, the bagels looked almost orange, lacking the rich, dark hue of true pumpernickel. But what did I expect from a bagel chain? And then there was that unexpected spicy smell. It was pleasant and strangely familiar, but not at all bagel-like. I dismissed it as having rubbed off, so to speak, from an adjacent bin.
It was only when I bit into the first one that I realized I was munching on, so help me, a pumpkin bagel. Pumpkin, pumpernickel--I guess it's a natural mistake.
I'm not really complaining. In America, no ethnic group can ever expect to maintain a monopoly on its cuisine. I'm sure that native Italians wince at some of the things that Americans dump on pizza, and I know Chinese restaurants here serve dishes that would be unrecognizable from Guangzhau to Beijing. Nobody even thinks to associate wieners with Vienna--and it's a good thing, too, since the Viennese would never tolerate ketchup and pickle relish.
But if the mainstreaming of bagels is not entirely an occasion for bitter lamentation, it still has to evoke at least a twinge of regret, as one more bit of ethnic flair is deracinated, homogenized and prepackaged for mass consumption.
Interestingly, it appears there is a crisis in the bagel industry. Stock prices have plunged by as much as 80 percent and one national chain has entered bankruptcy. Profits are falling and outlets are closing.
If you ask me, their problems all stem from hubris. I've got nothing against making big bucks on bagels, but there has to be a sense of proportion. They should never have started calling it the bagel "industry." Bagels should be sold in "a nice little business" where you can "make a comfortable living." And you shouldn't have national chains. Maybe a few "convenient locations" or even a "branch" or two, but that's it. Go any further and you're asking for trouble.
The bagel industry can probably recover from its spate of overexpansion, but somewhere along the line it is going to pay for fiddling with tradition. Bagel-meddlers can load almost anything into a bagel and still have it taste good, but they ought to give credit where credit is due. Bake what you must, but let's put an end to the precious preening. Stop touting "old-fashioned" blueberry and "classic" cranberry-orange!
It's not the flavors I object to, it's the adjectives. Bagels weren't invented by a bunch of MBAs, and there's never gong to be anything traditional about filling them with fruit. So if they have to overstuff somebody's heritage, all I can say is let `em eat crepes.
Steve Lubet
Good article! Very fun to read!
Why can't you do the good natured Steve schtick anymore?
I like the 22 years ago Steve. Maybe you were then as you are now, but, this article seems like a different person wrote it.
Posted by: anon | February 10, 2021 at 01:38 AM
Would I even have to ask what you think of McDonalds serving bagels or putting bacon on them?
Posted by: Len Rotman | February 13, 2021 at 11:30 PM