The Right to Unmarry: Using the Internet While Female

I promise to address some of the many real, substantive critiques of our article "The Right to Unmarry: A Proposal" in my next post, but I briefly wanted to tackle something that I found surprising. But perhaps I shouldn’t have found reactions like these surprising at all.

Those last two sentences left me, admittedly, confused. So much for thinking that commentators wouldn’t be assuming facts not in evidence and not know anything about my or Brian’s lives or prior marriages. Unsurprisingly, much of the rest of the comment didn’t address the main arguments of the paper at all. I couldn’t help but respond:

But that wasn’t all from this thread. A gallant “anon” decided to try to defend Harlan’s Ghost in a manner that felt paternalistic, infantilizing, and very bitter, simply because I chose to make assumptions about Harlan’s Ghost just as he did with me and Brian.

The one thing that didn’t surprise me about this exchange was people like Harlan’s Ghost and “anon” (though I suspect they may be one in the same) suddenly appearing to offer unfounded, personal criticisms once it’s my name on a post rather than Brian’s.

There are more choice comments on other blogs that have profiled our paper, such as The Volokh Conspiracy. I was struck by their tone, with some rendering me as something illicit and dangerous sounding (a “mistress”), someone not capable enough to understand the choices she was making, and, out of me and Brian, the one who is acted upon rather than her own, rational actor. Not that these folks were necessarily saying nice things about Brian, either.

This Bob from Ohio guy has a pretty strong emotional investment in our engagement, it seems. While we all know that Brian doesn’t put much, if any, stock in attribution (go ahead and look at the exhortation at the top of his SSRN page if you don’t believe me), I find it somewhat irritating that some commentators like Bob, below, assume that Brian is the sole author of our article.

Some of the comments took on generally misogynistic tones, as well. Sadly, this is the state of affairs when you’re a woman using the internet.

These comments, honestly, weren’t as full of the vitriol as some of the Twitter direct messages the both of us have received, which, given their crassness, needn’t be recopied here. Suffice to say that some that I’ve received accused me of cheating, unfaithfulness, and “promiscuity” on my part. The level of anger, especially, when the abstract to the paper explains that both of our soon to be ex-spouses approve of us getting divorced, shows writ large just one reason why the right to unmarry has been so very burdened--while some people pretend to prize “freedom” and “liberty” however they wish to formulate those concepts, they also very much love to tell others what to do and how to live their lives. It’s no surprise that none of them have even tried to challenge our paper on the merits and that all they can fall back on is their antiquated, judgmental, moralizing rage.

Maybell Romero

Comments

[anon]

I have seen more discussion of this piece (i.e., by the people who wrote it!) than is it all necessary. I DON'T CARE!

[Maybell Romero]

How convenient then, anon, that neither of us really cares what you think either. :-)

[Brian L. Frye]

Thanks, anon! Everyone was hoping you'd weigh in.

[anon]

You are both such brilliant scholars, and, apparently, accomplished in internet ways and means.

It is thus surprising that you are so wrong about your guess that HG, the anon who commented on your response to HG, and the anon who commented above are all the same person.

I can tell you that you are wrong. You can retort that this is a lie, etc. Whatever.

What I will add it this: I agree with the first "anon" above. When you say "Everyone" the only objective evidence is that you two are posting numerous comments about your own comments.

I wasn't intending to participate, because you seem to be happy to dwell on the only two comments to your last post (there being no others).

[anon]

BTW, I'm quite serious about having no intent to infuriate you both any further. I will not comment further on any of your posts! I am quite sure that you are quite capable of mercilessly hurting people, and I have no desire to be the subject of any more of your wrath because I dared to question your reaction to HG.

[Brian L. Frye]

Aw, jeez. We will miss you anon.