With gratitude to an Australian colleague for passing this along, here's some academic humor to brighten the grading season ...
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What Academic Jargon Really Means
http://www.guy-sports.com/humor/jokes/jokes_academic.htm
'IT HAS LONG BEEN KNOWN' ...
I didn't look up the original reference.
'WHILE IT HAS NOT BEEN POSSIBLE TO PROVIDE DEFINITE ANSWERS TO THE QUESTIONS' ...
An unsuccessful experiment but I still hope to get it published.
'THREE OF THE SAMPLES WERE CHOSEN FOR DETAILED STUDY' ...
The other results didn't make any sense.
'THESE RESULTS WILL BE IN A SUBSEQUENT REPORT' ...
I might get around to this sometime, if pushed/funded.
'IN MY EXPERIENCE' ...
Once.
'IN CASE AFTER CASE' ...
Twice.
' IN A SERIES OF CASES' ...
Thrice.
'IT IS BELIEVED THAT' ...
I think.
'IT IS GENERALLY BELIEVED THAT' ...
A couple of others think so, too.
'CORRECT WITHIN AN ORDER OF MAGNITUDE' ...
Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.
'IT IS CLEAR THAT MUCH ADDITIONAL WORK WILL BE REQUIRED BEFORE A COMPLETE UNDERSTANDING OF THIS PHENOMENON OCCURS' ...
I don't understand it....and I never will.
'AFTER ADDITIONAL STUDY BY MY COLLEAGUES' ...
They don't understand it either.
University Administration (from the Short Compendium of Academic Humor)
The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by university physicists. The element, tentatively named Administratium, has no protons or electrons, so that its atomic number is 0. However, it does have 1 neutron, 87 assistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons, 38 associate vice neutrons, and 111 assistant vice neutrons. This gives it an atomic number of 312. These 312 particles are held together by a force that involves meson-like particles called morons.
Because it has no protons or electrons, administratium is inert. Nonetheless, it can be detected chemically, because it impedes every reaction at which it is present. According to one of the discoverers, even a small amount of administratium made one reaction that normally lasts less than one second take more than four days.
Administratium has a half-life of approximately three years. It does not actually decay; instead, it undergoes a reorganization in which vice neutrons, assistant vice neutrons, and certain assistants to the neutron exchange places. Some studies have indicated that its mass actually increases after each reorganization, although this has yet to be explained. Another phenomenon which has been observed (as expected from the mechanics of minute particles) is that the more one tries to pin down the positions of the vice neutrons within the structure of administratium, the more uncertain those positions become.
Administratium is known to be toxic and may be a serious hazard in the workplace. It is commonly found in an institution's newest, best-appointed, and best-maintained buildings. Toxicologists report that there is no case known in which administratium was cleansed from such a setting once it accumulated there.
As long as there is heart there is hope, there is happiness there
Posted by: coach outlet | December 17, 2010 at 01:06 AM