A week from today, law school faculty from across the nation will descend on our nation's capital to participate in the AALS Faculty Recruitment Conference. And by noon on Friday, the first full day of interviews, recruiting teams will have been asked the same set of questions by most of that morning's group of faculty candidates (e.g., "What resources are available to promote research and scholarship?" "How long is the tenure process and what are the scholarship requirements?" etc.). For candidates who want to be remembered, who want to separate themselves from the herd, who dare to “shake it up a bit” and wish to throw caution to the wind, consider borrowing one or more questions from the following list (in no particular order, and with a few suggestions from a friend) when your inquisitors ask, "So, what questions do you have for us?":
1. Why did your academic dean ask you to serve on the hiring committee, and how can I avoid the same mistake you made?
2. Has the economic downturn affected where your committee will be dining on this trip to DC?
3. What is the starting salary, and how quickly do retirement benefits vest?
4. Why are YOU asking ME about scholarship?
5. If I were to ask your students how your institution could be improved, what would they tell me?
6. How important is placement?
7. Why isn't your law school ranked in the first tier?
8. What role do your research assistants perform in grading final exams?
9. Can you envision any – ANY! – situation arising in the next fifty years that would require me to teach a UCC course?
10. How important is quality teaching in the tenure decision?
11. Will I have a window office with my own laser printer and cable TV hook-up?
12. How successful are faculty-student dating relationships at your school?
13. Does your tenure committee view “Professor of the Year” accolades as the kiss of death?
14. What measures have you taken to address the dismal bar passage results of your recent graduates?
15. If you require four articles for tenure and I have already published four articles, do I start with tenure?
16. Does blogging count as scholarship?
17. Is teaching in the night program completely optional?
18. How many reams of personalized letterhead stationery do you provide?
19. Will I have more than one new prep during my first year of teaching?
20. Where do most of your colleagues travel when they take a sabbatical?
21. What brand of coffee do you serve in your faculty lounge, and how often are pastries and fruit provided?
22. If you could jettison some of your faculty deadwood, which three colleagues would be gone by tomorrow?
23. How often do you host brown-bag lunch presentations, and do I have to stay for the presentation if I have no interest in the topic?
24. What makes your school the best fit for my talents?
25. How often may I visit elsewhere?
26. Does your technology permit me to teach from home?
27. Does your benefits package include a free gym membership?
28. What criticisms were raised, following the last site inspection at your law school?
29. This interviewing process is making me hungry. Do you have any snacks?
30. How much flexibility do I have to disregard your mandatory grading curve?
31. Have any other candidates suggested to you that scheduling classes on Friday is a bad idea?
32. Given my golfing talents, can I forego some of the teaching and scholarship responsibilities and instead spend time on the links with wealthy alums?
33. Do you think diversity hiring is overrated?
34. Would you mind if I excuse myself for a few moments to check my emails for possible last-minute interviews with other schools?
35. How long do your faculty meetings last?
36. I won't have to share an administrative assistant with anyone else, will I?
37. If I don't want to attend the AALS annual conference in January, may I have the cash instead?
38. Given that Mondays and Fridays aren't my most productive days, may I have a teaching schedule limited to Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays?
39. These new shoes are really making my toes sweat. Do you mind if I remove them and let my feet breathe?
40. If I were to play "faculty bingo" during your faculty meeting, which of your colleagues might I want in my center square?
41. Will anyone mind if I supplement my salary by selling unused comp copies of textbooks to students?
42. What’s your faculty ratio of chalk users to PowerPointers?
43. Why hasn't your Republican Law Students Organization had a faculty sponsor for over three decades?
44. How often do tenure decisions lead to nasty litigation at your law school?
45. You're not seriously considering anyone for this position who didn't attend Harvard or Yale, are you?
46. I'm very uncomfortable around large groups of people, so until I get tenure could my teaching responsibilities be limited to small seminars?
47. Do law professors have preference over the staff when it comes to doling out baseball tickets and other perks?
48. How much grade inflation goes on at your place?
49. Do I receive a dinner allowance if I work later than 6:00 p.m.?
50. Will you help me reach my goal of leaving the conference with at least 100 new Facebook friends?
Pictured: one wing of the Marriott Wardman Park Hotel, the sight of next week's AALS Faculty Recruitment Conference (source link here).
51. Do you think the quality of legal education would improve if we scrapped the tenure system?
Posted by: Jeff Lipshaw | October 21, 2010 at 05:46 PM
Tim, readers might enjoy your similar post last year
http://www.thefacultylounge.org/2009/10/questions-far-candidates-would-really-like-to-ask.html
Posted by: Alfred Brophy | October 21, 2010 at 06:46 PM
Tim (Timothy if I may),
You, sir, are hilarious.
Posted by: Anon | October 21, 2010 at 11:29 PM
52. How many of your junior hires have successfully written their way to some place better?
Posted by: Orin Kerr | October 22, 2010 at 03:17 AM