Questions FAR Candidates Would REALLY Like to Ask!

Borrowing, but tweaking, the caption from Christine Hurt's post here, I submit the following thirty questions (in no particular order, and with a few suggestions from a friend):

1.  Why did your academic dean ask you to serve on the hiring committee, and how can I avoid the same mistake you made?

2.  Has the economic downturn affected where your committee will be dining on this trip to DC?

3.  What is the starting salary, and how quickly do retirement benefits vest?

4.  Why are YOU asking ME about scholarship, given our respective output in the last three years?

5.  If I were to ask your students how your institution could be improved, what would they tell me?

6.  How important is placement?

7.  Why isn't your law school ranked in the first tier?

8.  What role do your research assistants perform in grading final exams?

9.  Why did your recent dean search fail?

10.  Can you envision any (ANY!) situation arising in the next 50 years that would require me to teach a UCC course?

11.  How important is quality teaching in the tenure decision?

12.  Does your technology permit me to teach from home?

13.  How successful are faculty-student dating relationships at your school?

14.  Is parking free?

15.  Does your tenure committee view “Professor of the Year” accolades as the kiss of death?

16.  Will I have a window office?

17.  If you require four articles for tenure and I have already published four articles, do I start with tenure?

18.  Does blogging count as scholarship?

19.  Is teaching in the night program completely optional?

20.  How many reams of personalized letterhead stationery do you provide?

21.  Will I have more than one new prep during my first year of teaching?

22.  Will my office be equipped with cable TV hook-up?

23.  What brand of coffee do you serve in your faculty lounge, and how often are pastries and fruit provided?

24.  If you could jettison some of your faculty deadwood, which three colleagues would be gone by tomorrow?

25.  How often do you host brown-bag lunch presentations, and do I have to stay for the presentation if I have no interest in the topic?

26.  What makes your school the best fit for my talents?

27.  When did you last review and offer written comments on a draft of a colleague?

28.  Can I apply early for tenure if I use PowerPoint in my classes?

29.  Will the other seventeen folks on your faculty who teach constitutional law be upset that you’re telling me I can teach the course every semester?

30.  May I have those assurances IN WRITING?

Pictured:  one wing of the Marriott Wardman Park Hotel, the sight of next week's AALS Faculty Recruitment Conference (source link here).

Comments

[anon]

That's laugh out loud funny. If only....

[anon]

What about the questions faculty would like to ask.

1. You say we're your top choice. Will you really move from New York City?

2. Will your family leave New York City? Or will you be commuting from New York to Houston each week?

3. You say you're willing to teach the UCC AND tax. Are you?

4. Will you spend time with students?

5. Will you make an effort to be a part of our community?

6. You haven't written anything that looks like scholarship yet. Are you capable of doing so?

7. You listed Judge Posner as a reference. Why can't he remember you?

8. You're asking a lot of questions about lifestyle and compensation. Should we be worried that you want an easy job?

[Joe]

Umm, yeah. Pastries are the MAIN part of a new job for me.

[anonprof]

"You seem to be a really impressive scholar. What are you doing at school X?"

This question was actually asked to the chair of FAC.

[Jacqueline Lipton]

I think the "failed dean search" comment was a bit below the belt! Maybe it's just a sore spot for me having been on the dean search committee...
(And of course I'm thrilled with how things ultimately turned out at Case anyways.)
:)

[John Nelson]

Question I'd like to ask as a future potential candidate:
"Are you really going to consider me, even though I didn't go to Harvard/Yale/Top100?"

Of course, I'd probably not get to the interview stage.