To Recommend or Not to Recommend

When do you decline to write a recommendation letter?

I was recently asked to write a scholarship recommendation for a student who was having difficulty covering law school costs due to personal circumstances.  His request, addressed to "Ms. Bergin," acknowledged a mediocre exam performance and several late arrivals to class.  He offered to assist me "in whatever pet project" I have going on next summer, and disclosed that he gave me a good evaluation at the end of the course in which he had enrolled.

With so little to work with I felt ethically compelled to not write the letter, and can't help but think that the request itself showed a profound lack of judgment.  Maybe its a generational divide (I couldn't imagine sending that request to one of my Profs); maybe its an act of desperation (I don't know his personal circumstances or whether he faces withdrawing from law school).

Maybe its a gender thing.  . . . "Ms.?"  

I know plenty of female law prof who've been in a similar position.  But what about our male colleagues?  Do they get these requests?  Do they write them, or confidently dismiss them out of hand?  Are they too offered help on course preparation, legal scholarship, text-book drafting, disaster relief, global rule of law initiatives "pet projects" outside of class?  Are they too guilted into a post-hoc quid pro quo: "I gave you a good review so now you owe me." 

Sound off . . .

Comments

[Matt]

When I was a grad student teaching fellow I was asked to write letters of recommendation for several of my undergraduate students for law school. Since I was also a law student myself at the time this was a bit awkward but I always agreed to do it. (I did have to restrain myself from saying things like, "Mr. X is at least as smart as most of my current class-mates", as I thought that would sound too odd.) Usually this wasn't hard to do as the large majority of the students were really excellent. (All of those have done really well in law school as well, several of them at Yale.) In one case, though, it was hard because the letter of recommendation form for law school admissions is a single letter that goes to every school. The student asking was, sensibly, applying to a large range of schools. I didn't doubt that she'd be at least average or above at many of the schools, but thought she'd likely be in the bottom half, maybe bottom quarter, at the top schools. This made it very hard to write an honest letter that would express how I thought she'd do at the various places she was applying, and made me wish for distinct letters, even though that would be more annoying in other ways. As it was, she was accepted to a school that seemed like a good fit for her, but it certainly did make writing the letter more unpleasant.

[Ani]

Perhaps women are asked more often, or treated differently -- it wouldn't surprise me in the least, given what I know of adverse differential treatment in the classroom -- but rest assured there's a lot of this that goes on for everyone, and I don't think it's different in kind.

So, e.g., I am sometimes asked to write letters even though there's little reason to think that I would write a very good one (e.g., C student plagued by absenteeism). If I am disinclined, I will usually explain why any letter I could write wouldn't really help them. (Most appreciate the candor.) So to answer your question, I get similar requests; sometimes I write them; sometimes I do not; I don't think I ever "confidently dismiss them out of hand."

Very often the circumstances under which I asked to write a letter, even one for better students, are also less than auspicious -- the most common trespass being that I am asked 24 hours before it is due. And the tone of the requests is often tone-deaf, so the reference to your "pet project" isn't startling to me. I would be least startled by the title your student used. I get called "Prof," "Mr. X," "Doctor X," "Ani," and just "Hey there." It wouldn't even occur to me to object to "Mr. X," because it's so common, and I don't think it indicates any particular lack of respect -- though clearly it may be taken that way.

What I try to do, though it is sometimes painful, is to take the time to indicate to students when their emails or letter requests are unprofessional in tone or liable to offend -- at least, when the circumstances are such that they should be on their best behavior, as when asking for a favorable reference. I think it's part of my job, and something some have to be taught. I am less comfortable with talking about particular incidents in a public forum.

[Michael Alexander]

What is the most polite way people have used to refuse to write a letter of recommendation? Or, is it going to be bad no matter what?

[Marc J. Randazza]

Yes, male professors also get asked to write letters of recommendation in idiotic ways by students who should know better.

Male students who I wouldn't recommend for anything except another profession usually approach me as "dude." Three have offered to wash and wax my car (ding, no letter). Another began the process by emailing me about a city he planned to visit, and asked me if I knew where he could "score some hoes" in that town. Guess who didn't get a letter of recommendation (or even a reply)?

The female approach seems to be a little more subtle. Okay, not really. I asked one student why she felt that I would be a good reference, and the answer was "because I'm cute" (meaning that she thought she was and presumed that I shared the opinion). Another said "because you like me" punctuated with a giggle. I informed both that they were correct, I think all law students are "cute" (as they are baby lawyers) and I like almost all of my students, but these are not reasons for me to affix my name to a letter vouching for them.

My favorite of all time was a student who had spent most of the semester being completely disruptive in class - going so far as to throw a literal tantrum when I informed the class that I was assigning a group project. She didn't like working with other people, she said. A few days later, she handed me a recommendation sheet where she had checked the box waiving the right to review it - and then demanded that I not only fill it out within 24 hours, but that I provide a copy to her. I informed her that if she wanted a copy, she'd have to change the waiver box. I informed her that I wouldn't be the best one to fill it out as the "judgment and maturity" rating would be quite low. She snatched it back.

So... to answer your question: Yeah, male profs get as many absurd requests as female profs -- and presented just as poorly.

I would imagine that your problem isn't your gender, but you are probably just a bit collegial with your students. That has its pros and cons. If your students fear you, they'll never call you "Ms." (or "dude"), and they'll be a lot more careful about how they speak to you. On the other hand, I think that being approachable pays dividends that far outweigh the occasional eyerolling experience you'll have.

Chalk it up to the likelihood that you are doing a good job plus a kid who lacked a bit of judgment and maturity.