Walking In The Shoes Of Others

This morning, as I was driving in to work, several pedestrians decided to step into the street - past rushing cars - to walk around a sidewalk obstruction.  My first response was to think: what idiots!  Don't they see us coming?  My irritation was followed, almost instantaneously, by a reversion to the pedestrian mindset: they were trying to get somewhere quickly, took the easiest path, and expected drivers to be attentive and sympathetic.  It dawned on my that this was a relatively rare instance of instant empathy.  In a big pedestrian city, drivers almost always carry dual identities: car operator and walker.  Until the second we park, drivers identify as drivers; the very next moment, however, we can become cursing pedestrians.  It strikes me that many of us could benefit by noticing and acknowledging these dissonant, and co-existing, identities.

An effective counselor of any type (lawyer, consultant, therapist, or pastor, to name a few) must be able to empathize with other humans - to find ways of walking in their shoes.  This is a difficult task because it requires us to "other"ourselves and recognize that our own lived experience is  not only different than others, but may actually obscure our ability to perceive, understand, or empathize with the experiences of others.  For example, my experience of growing up Jewish is not only different than growing up Christian, but also makes it hard for me to understand both Christians and Christianity in any terms other than those which make sense within my Jewish religio-cultural framework.

We often address these critical issues in professional school clinics.   In law school, we emphasize that lawyers must be active listeners, identify client preferences, frame advice in the context of those preferences, and deliver that advice in ways that a client can absorb.  The challenge is inherent in all counseling relationships, but is particularly acute across cultural lines.   A recent New York Times story shows how doctors often miss the cultural needs of diabetic patients.  And a signficant debate in the death penalty defense world is the degree to which one must full accredit, and advocate, client preferences for execution.

Empathy Complexification doesn't always simplify life.   I sometimes think I have difficulty fully supporting friends in the midst of conflicts, since I immediately wonder what their "opponents" are thinking and experiencing.  So too in politics: I support Obama completely in the Presidential race, but I also think that McCain would bring an interesting basket of strengths to the office. For me, though, Obama's 90% good trumps McCain's 65% good.

Walking in the shoes of others - or perhaps driving in the cars of others - may complicate matters.  But it makes for better human understanding.  And it also makes for better professionals.

Comments

[David S. Cohen]

This is what I think is so wonderful (and progressive) about the TV show "30 Days." It's by the director of "Supersize Me" and puts him and others in the position of living the lives of other people for 30 days. The first show was him and his fiance trying to subsist on minimum wage jobs (turning the written words of Barbara Ehrenreich's Nickle and Dimed into a TV show). The first episode of this season was life as a coalminer. I believe last week's was life in a wheelchair.

[Kathleen Bergin]

David,
I couldn't agree more. Supersize Me was eye-opening enough, but the TV show goes above and beyond. On the impact of empathy, a friend of a friend (seriously) takes a 2 week vacation every year to pick strawberries with migrant workers as a way to keep mindful of the physical and economic hardship facing most of the world's people. An intersting variant I suppose of the "volunteer vacation."